Ups and Downs

It's pretty hard to stay an upbeat and happy person all the time... This year, however, I seem to have a harder and harder time doing this on a day to day basis. I live each day trying to not only glorify God by what I do, but also to uplift others by having a positive attitude in almost every aspect of what I do. I don't do things in a fake manner; I simply find my joy in God when I need it most.
However, recently I seem to be discontent with almost everything. Don't get me wrong, I love my life, but I think all my stress is starting to get to me. I have been trying my hardest to stay level headed and on top of things, but I really do start breaking down when I hold it all in for so long. It may be because I haven't had much of a break... or maybe it's something else. I'm not really sure anymore.
*Sigh*I keep using the word 'but' a lot lately..... I don't know.... This is all so confusing, I really wanted to post something to sort out my feelings and possibly feel better.... but(yes, i had to use that word again) I don't even have words to describe anything anymore...
This is definitely not the first time I've felt like this... I must say, when I go up... every down gets lower. And all I can do is to ride it out, pray, and thank God that I still have the right mind about me to stay on this earth and hopefully share my love for him to others... Simply because I DO love him so much just for who he is.
Well, before I use all the words I know, I better stop for the night.
May God bless you all, bring you many blessings as Thanksgiving rolls around, and may you each have ups that are much greater than any down you may have ever faced before.
<3

Realization

Having a rough day takes quite a bit of energy out of a person. Trust me, I would know after today. From the get go until maybe half an hour ago I have been having the worst day possible in quite some time. It wasn't that things wouldn't go right or things were going wrong. I just wasn't having the greatest day from all the stress that has been building up over the last 2 to 3 months.
I wish I could have looked at things in a "more positive" light, but I don't think it would have made a difference. Granted I had a bad day, walked home before church even started, got in a fight with my mom more than once, and just wanted to get away from people, but my night just hit me.
Driving home tonight I realized how selfish I have been lately. How self centered I have become. And even how greedy I have become. I crave attention but then I want out of the spotlight. Wow... where is God in all of this?
Well... He's been there all along trying to tell me things are OK, but I've been ignoring Him. I told Him I could take care of it, and I didn't need to talk to Him everyday. Sure, having people notice me as a person or friend is great, but is it for the right reasons? Am I being an example of Christ?

I'm going to give an honest answer. No, I haven't been; maybe occasionally I have been, but more often than not  I haven't been.
I stepped out of my vehicle tonight and smelled the air. It's been a long time since I've even taken the time to think about something that simple. As I took in a long breath I smelled the rustic and smoky smell of Fall.  I could remember the sweet and sticky smell of Spring that I love and the beauty that is behind it, but tonight...... I smelled the air and it reminded me of how putrid and smelly my life has been lately. Yeah, I know... great correlation, right? I guess that's just how God talks to me. Music, nature, and quiet time.
Wow... Our youth group just recently had a lesson over Good, Guilt, Grace, and Gratitude. Which part do we relate to most was asked... And I answered gratitude because I was trying so hard to live for God at the moment and in the months prior. If I were asked that now.... It would be guilt. No questions asked. I'm living in the guilt stage and can't move onto accepting God's grace.
I have the greatest friends (and older brother) EVER who are so willing to pray for me when I'm struggling, but they honestly have no clue how much it really does help me. (especially today) You guys may not know what all I am going through, but I guarantee you probably have an idea if you've been talking with God.
I definitely need to work on the talking and spending time with God aspect of my life. I talk it, but I need to start living it more these days. Maybe then I'll be happy with the little things in life again. Let's all take a little time and see God more. I think we would see what we've been missing a lot of lately.

God Bless you all,and thank you for everything you've done,
Miranda

Prom Just Around the Corner

With the fiasco of not having a date, 3 FRESHMEN (who i even bribed) not wanting to go to my junior year prom, and then everything turning around; this is the outcome of all my purchases/makes for prom

My killer high heels

My cousin was so nice to make this corsage for me. The bracelet we chose to put it on is beautiful by itself!

And last but not least, the dress that caused so many problems and worries while I waited for it to arrive.

These Show My Personality! :)

I just got these shirts recently... gotta love em! :) Not the best pictures ever... I was just getting the pictures taken quickly cause the camera was going to die.

Passions, Seriously

Our passions are what make us tick. We take them seriously and we want others to also... but what happens when we forget that we aren't the only ones who have passions and desires to be noticed. When we do something we love we want everyone to see it and we want it to be taken as we take it. The way we see something is a marvelous work of WHO we actually are. It is how we can see who we are from what God gave us. We are showing what makes us who we are, where we come from, and where we want to go. In music its a new lyric, new song, or a new beat; in art its a new picture, sculpture, photo, or idea; in writing, its a story. Behind all this though, we have that one little thing to each of us that makes the new creation how it is... It's not the title, the color, the people in it, or the origin of the creation... It is the fact that we, ourselves, made it with our own abilities and concepts and the being that we are. We put our own signature on each of these items. When others choose to step over the boundaries that they know are already there, they have broken the silent vow that happens to be between each of us. Tell me, when we look at a piece of art, don't we see the artist's signature? When we hear a song, we think of the band that sang or wrote it? When you look at a photograph, do you see a watermark of the proud photographer who took the photo? Or do you simply keep on going and take the things around you as things that are just 'there'?  Our passions are not a joke to us, and they shouldn't be a joke to anyone else. The second we decide that one's works are a joke it is like telling that person they are a joke.
I don't care how NOT serious you take something, but when it comes to giving someone credit for their work? I believe that is NEVER, and i repeat, NEVER a joke. Next time you create some beautiful creation think of someone using it and saying THEY made it.. you, the creator, has been bypassed.
Our passions define who we are. Our passions are not mere hobbies, each passion we invest in we put a picture of our soul into. Save us all a little bit of who we are and give credit where it should be given because I honestly don't think you would want someone claiming your body as their own.
Take it seriously or I won't take you seriously. Until I get the respect I deserve, you exist nowhere in the realm of my creation. You are merely another person who has no respect for the beauty of an individual.

Take me down kicking
screaming and bleeding
but i won't give up now
not while I'm breathing

You've ruined who i am
you've taken what i love
stolen all my beauty
and now I want it duly

The moment that you listen
is the moment I will try
the moment that you listen
is when I'll look you in the eye

Until the day I hear you
I will sit here all in all
I'll sit here fighting fury
I'll be here standing tall

Next time that i see you
my face will face up high
I'll face you as an equal
Giving credit till i fall

Running from Nothing

These last couple of years have been crazy. The lowest slump of all times, the happiness in all the adventures, the worry in what's to come, the pain in the accidents, and the mess in the process. I don't think I would be anywhere near the person I am today without all of these things happening to me. Actually, I KNOW i wouldn't be the same person I am today. Freshman year would have to have been THE worst (and best) year of my life. I found that I dreaded more things than I could have possibly imagined. I saw that I could have things happen to me that I never would have dreamed of going through myself. My transition from junior high to high school was most likely one of the saddest attempts of my life. I hated how things were going, I had no clue who my friends were, I had no one to even talk to about the craziness of entering high school. I'm not going to lie, I was absolutely HORRIFIED of going to school the first day. To prove it, I had stayed up until about 2 in the morning the night before my first day bawling my eyes out. Much to my 'unknowldege,' the first day.... NOTHING happened. I cried my eyes out for nothing. Later that year, I got in a fight with my mom on the way to school. When she stopped at the stop sign, I got out, slammed the door, yelled at my mom, and then proceeded to walk to school in the frigid weather. (Thankfully we were stopped right in front of the school.) This was just the beginning of events that lead me to my lowest point I would reach. Toward the end of our first semester we had a band clinic trip that was a 2-day function and approx. 5 hours away. This was a night that I just felt absolutely desperate to talk to someone about this. I wanted help, finally. Finally contacting one of my fellow band members, in the other vehicle, i began to pour out my guts. Much to my surprise, he listened. He LISTENED. That was a first in a LONG time. Ya know, I look back at that moment, and I can't believe I ever reached so low that someone had to intervene my thoughts that most likely would have become actions soon. The problem behind all of this? I felt I no one in the world would ever care about me. I didn't get the little attention that I so wanted, and needed. I got stuck on the bottom of the pile, but that day, I found an answer to one of my prayers. An answer that I had given up on so long ago. I found someone who was willing to help me, and that was more precious to me than ANY gem in this world. I didn't see how this all came together at the moment, but within the next couple of months/years I began to see how much I was really missing. I gave up on my Father, I gave up on my faith in him, and the promises he gave me. Today, I often look back at these moments and I am reminded that God always listens and keeps true to His promises. It may not be according to MY time, but it will come IN time. All this time I had resented God for not helping me. I ignored Him, didn't talk to Him, and sometimes just plain stepped all over Him. I'm not proud of that.... At all..... I ran from the one who wanted to help me and heal my pain the most. I ran from my shelter and my strength. I ran from freedom. I ran from all my promises that would make me a fulfilled person. I RAN...............yeah, I was running, from nothing that would hurt me.

Possible Perfection

         (Written for English II... Sophomore year)
          Freshly baked cookies can bring smiles and laughter to any person's face. The warm gooey insides and the soft chewy exterior create the perfect combination that nobody can resist. When we sink our teeth into this heavenly combination the feelings can be limitless. A party erupts in the mouth and fills our bodies with a warming sensation, love. The love of a cookie is great, but it can never compare to the times that come with it, and the people that are there. People, atmosphere, and feelings, mixed in the right amounts, can create a perfect day.
           A warm wave of spice and love fill my nostrils as I enter the kitchen door. The familiar faces greet me warmly, with smiles of joy and content. Suddenly, my husband's arms enrobe me and I feel a kiss land on my cheek. The cold that inhibited my body seems to have suddenly disappeared. Flavorful drinks, tender and moist cookies, colorful candies, delectable cakes, and fruit filled jellies line the smooth, speckled granite counter tops. Passing over these delectable goodies, the smells of ham drift toward my nose. The gleaming silver oven begs to be opened as the aromas tickle and tease my taste buds. Feelings of comfort fill my being and create an epiphany of happiness. The smells of our cooking have reached the far corners of the house, and the children have now entered the cozy confinements of the kitchen.
         Looking through the door of the dining room I see the crisp white pine table nestled on top of the deep red oak flooring. The burgundy walls cast a comforting glow over a table lined with a crisp clean cream colored table runner, a tall glass vase with purple irises, and two tall tapered candles. Food soon joins the table and polishes the scene. Family begins gathering around the table as they engage in the enjoyable duty of conversing and consuming. My husband is seated at the head of the table, and I am at the other. Passing food quickly dissipates into our bellies, which have long since been grumbling from the intoxicating smells. The table becomes empty, but only of food. Though the food has disappeared, the lively fellowship that envelopes the room remains. Colorfully told stories and lively tales of past adventure spiral through the air until they finally reach our listening ears. As the night grows longer the stories begin to fade and people start to slow. The food has taken its toll and the living room now beckons for all to take a break.
            Slowly, the living room fills with family and the delicate sounds of cheery upbeat Christmas tunes. The soft green walls seem to dance from the glow of the tree that fills every crevice and corner. The sight of the tree is amazing and marvelous, the glow of the lights, the sparkle of the ornaments, and the one steady star that dawns the highest point of the tree. Beneath the lowest branches of the tree are several boisterous gifts, creating a grandiose scene for the children to enjoy. Many of the kids have found their way to the bottom of the tree hoping to find some minute detail that may hint to what lies behind the colorful papers. When the sun falls below the horizon, we finally turn to open the presents. The excitement, enjoyment, and surprise that permeate the room create the warmest feelings that one can ever experience.
             As the laughter and music die down, the children make their way toward their warm cozy beds. Once the children are lying quietly in their rooms I make my way back to the living room. Once there, I see the one person who seems to have been in my thoughts throughout the entire day, my husband! Sitting in our favorite spot, I find my way into his warm and loving arms that wipe every fear, worry, and trouble from my mind. There we sit looking out the large bay window, with the fire roaring, the snow falling, and sipping hot cocoa that fills our tired and weary bodies. The ground seems to sparkle as if the angels watching from above have sprinkled millions of diamonds over the snow laden yard. My entire world seems to grow silent as I lay in the arms of my comfort, best friend, and husband. One last glimpse at the whole perfect scene and my day feels so complete. The fire starts to snap and crackle as it reaches the end of its life and the ashes give off the last faint possibilities of warmth they might possess.
            This recipe of people, atmosphere, and feelings has created an absolutely perfect day. This day is like a recipe of perfection, almost like that of a cookie. Something so simple is filled with so much love and can bring such joy to a person that we often forget our worries. Placing chocolate in a cookie is like adding splendor to a scene, and sometimes there are a few nuts that add a little craziness to the whole thing. The cares that usually fill our heads seem to casually slip away every time the delicious morsel dissolves over the top of our salivating tongues. No one in the world could possibly resist a cookie that links to so many good memories, both new and old.