Possible Perfection

         (Written for English II... Sophomore year)
          Freshly baked cookies can bring smiles and laughter to any person's face. The warm gooey insides and the soft chewy exterior create the perfect combination that nobody can resist. When we sink our teeth into this heavenly combination the feelings can be limitless. A party erupts in the mouth and fills our bodies with a warming sensation, love. The love of a cookie is great, but it can never compare to the times that come with it, and the people that are there. People, atmosphere, and feelings, mixed in the right amounts, can create a perfect day.
           A warm wave of spice and love fill my nostrils as I enter the kitchen door. The familiar faces greet me warmly, with smiles of joy and content. Suddenly, my husband's arms enrobe me and I feel a kiss land on my cheek. The cold that inhibited my body seems to have suddenly disappeared. Flavorful drinks, tender and moist cookies, colorful candies, delectable cakes, and fruit filled jellies line the smooth, speckled granite counter tops. Passing over these delectable goodies, the smells of ham drift toward my nose. The gleaming silver oven begs to be opened as the aromas tickle and tease my taste buds. Feelings of comfort fill my being and create an epiphany of happiness. The smells of our cooking have reached the far corners of the house, and the children have now entered the cozy confinements of the kitchen.
         Looking through the door of the dining room I see the crisp white pine table nestled on top of the deep red oak flooring. The burgundy walls cast a comforting glow over a table lined with a crisp clean cream colored table runner, a tall glass vase with purple irises, and two tall tapered candles. Food soon joins the table and polishes the scene. Family begins gathering around the table as they engage in the enjoyable duty of conversing and consuming. My husband is seated at the head of the table, and I am at the other. Passing food quickly dissipates into our bellies, which have long since been grumbling from the intoxicating smells. The table becomes empty, but only of food. Though the food has disappeared, the lively fellowship that envelopes the room remains. Colorfully told stories and lively tales of past adventure spiral through the air until they finally reach our listening ears. As the night grows longer the stories begin to fade and people start to slow. The food has taken its toll and the living room now beckons for all to take a break.
            Slowly, the living room fills with family and the delicate sounds of cheery upbeat Christmas tunes. The soft green walls seem to dance from the glow of the tree that fills every crevice and corner. The sight of the tree is amazing and marvelous, the glow of the lights, the sparkle of the ornaments, and the one steady star that dawns the highest point of the tree. Beneath the lowest branches of the tree are several boisterous gifts, creating a grandiose scene for the children to enjoy. Many of the kids have found their way to the bottom of the tree hoping to find some minute detail that may hint to what lies behind the colorful papers. When the sun falls below the horizon, we finally turn to open the presents. The excitement, enjoyment, and surprise that permeate the room create the warmest feelings that one can ever experience.
             As the laughter and music die down, the children make their way toward their warm cozy beds. Once the children are lying quietly in their rooms I make my way back to the living room. Once there, I see the one person who seems to have been in my thoughts throughout the entire day, my husband! Sitting in our favorite spot, I find my way into his warm and loving arms that wipe every fear, worry, and trouble from my mind. There we sit looking out the large bay window, with the fire roaring, the snow falling, and sipping hot cocoa that fills our tired and weary bodies. The ground seems to sparkle as if the angels watching from above have sprinkled millions of diamonds over the snow laden yard. My entire world seems to grow silent as I lay in the arms of my comfort, best friend, and husband. One last glimpse at the whole perfect scene and my day feels so complete. The fire starts to snap and crackle as it reaches the end of its life and the ashes give off the last faint possibilities of warmth they might possess.
            This recipe of people, atmosphere, and feelings has created an absolutely perfect day. This day is like a recipe of perfection, almost like that of a cookie. Something so simple is filled with so much love and can bring such joy to a person that we often forget our worries. Placing chocolate in a cookie is like adding splendor to a scene, and sometimes there are a few nuts that add a little craziness to the whole thing. The cares that usually fill our heads seem to casually slip away every time the delicious morsel dissolves over the top of our salivating tongues. No one in the world could possibly resist a cookie that links to so many good memories, both new and old.

wanting to cry

I don't want to be one to complain, but i am really missing the old days.... days where i could have fun with my best friend. i think back to those times and i don't know what to do. Times have changed, he has changed, and things have changed. I wish i could not feel distance between the two of us. I wish he knew that i felt horrible for what i have done, what i do, and what i have said. My impulses have led me to do things that i shouldn't do even though i know this i continue to do these things. I feel so bad about what i have done in the past and the bridges that i have so greatly and quickly burned... I have no clue if he feels the cold air between the two of us. I'm pretty sure he kind of sees it but i can't be for certain. I don't know.. i really just want to cry because i don't know where i am in all this, i don't know how to talk to God about it for comfort, i just want to cry for hours on end.. i want things to be back to normal. I want my best friend back and i want things to be like normal; even if he isn't nice to me. I don't care... i want to be a friend that is a genuine friend of his regardless of how he treats me. I want to be able to see him and not feel hostile toward him, i want to have fun and actually enjoy being with one of my friends. I want to cry

just a random poem i threw together

crashing to the ground
emotions fall, they fall like rain
crashing at the bottom
soon hitting once again

nearing its completion
for what we have done, been
a life seems so, so beaten
so battered and on end

things are left unspoken
ne'er to go singing through the air
set lifeless and near pointless
in the back of one's mere share

when things go start their falling
start a-falling toward the ground
things will start a-crumbling
till there's nothing all around

emotions are a target
one large target, always there
ne'er so lost in nothing
for they're always, always there

picking up our struggles
we look back on all our past
seeing all our struggles
releasing it so fast

trials and emotions
the trials are for best
until we seek an answer
for which we'll never rest

anxious and awaiting
we search for answers yet
until at last we find it,
one that suits our heart's needs best

Overload? Just maybe

Sometimes you just get tired of the name you have for yourself regardless of it being good or bad...sometimes you just want to break the rules for once, be someone you aren't expected to be, break down and cry for once, throw a tantrum, hit a wall, sleep for a week, forget about all the things bothering you and just lay around and be a nobody. Sometimes the name you have built for yourself becomes more than you can bear and you just want to run away and be less than others expect you to be. You wish for life to stop, let you regroup and then continue on its way. Life doesn't work like this... you have to keep moving, keep your name, keep your image, and keep playing the game. Hold your emotions on the inside, walk away from the drama, move on before you make a bigger mess, and smile even when the pain is too much to bear. In the midst of all this, we often forget where God is and things just start to fall apart even more...
I myself am to a point where i just want to break down and not be the person I am. I'm ready to be different than what the world expects of me, what my family wants me to be, and what my elders know me to be. Granted, I love God with all my heart but I'm so tired of being predictable. I can't hold up my end of this all, my temper is ready to break, my heart ready to stop giving, my brain ready to stop thinking. I'm ready to release all the anger I've been holding onto, the drama I've been hating, and the emotions I've been hiding. But that isn't going to happen, now is it? I have to be who others know me to be, what God has made me to be, and what others expect me to be.
Maybe that's the problem though-- I can't be me because of who I have built myself up to be.

Praying to God with all my might to keep me from exploding...... Trying so hard to keep it all in and I'm barely succeeding. Tonight was a struggle to keep from yelling at the world.

Appreciation

Our world is so focused on pointing out the bad or "unacceptable" in everything we do. With so much negative, some people may begin to feel as if they are worthless, lost, and under appreciated. This has the ability to become quite a problem in the long run. When people begin to feel loss in self worth they worry about what will next befall them, where they are going to have to go next, and sometimes even why they are even here at all. Our society has made us think that tearing someone down will also help build them up so they can grow, but in the case of some, it only tears them down. Constant tearing down will eventually break a person down completely and totally. In this day and age, the majority of our young people face being brought down about 30 to 40 times a day, making this the most prevalent part of their memory. Some of the tearing down that is performed isn't even meant to tear someone down; a joke that is "just a joke" may seem like nothing to the person that said it, but to the person on the receiving end of the (just a) joke might not think the same thing. If someone isn't being particularly nice in their joking manner the recipient may feel dejected, abused, or even like an object to toy with. Often times, if the recipient becomes angry at the "joker" the joker will respond with the common saying of, "I was just joking!!!" Sometimes they really were just joking and they have hit a sore subject with the person, others know it will hurt the person, but continue anyway... only to decide they don't want to get a bad rep.
I want to challenge anyone who reads this to truly try and find something good in a person that maybe not everyone sees. If someone does something wrong, correct them lovingly, not in a defiling manner. Try to applaud them for what they do, bring out the good in them! Just because they don't do it back doesn't mean that is how it will always be! Keep the trend (even if you are the only one doing it) going!!! It is likely to catch on to some others eventually! And last but not least, if someone does something wrong or bad, remember "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." This is from John 8:7. Remember we are all sinners, do not condemn one another, but love one another and show them God's love! :) God Bless!

Hold Your Tongue!!!

We have all said something, about someone, that is mean or even just plain cruel at some point in our life. But why? It just doesn't make sense, we don't like it when people are mean to us, so why do we do it right back to them? But it just doesn't make sense... rarely any of us enjoy drama! We complain about people talking behind our backs but then we turn around and do it to someone else. Are we guilty of our own complaints? I say yes! If we would just let the things that are said about us slip on by and not continue the trend maybe it would stop. Think of it this way, at least they are talking about you, they might not like you, but at least they know you exist... think about that! They know what you stand for and they don't agree with it. WHO CARES?! have your opinions, let people know that you have them, you ARE going to have enemies, friends, and indifferent people because of it!
I honestly hate it when a rumor gets started.. because i hate it so much, i usually go to the person it is about and actually find out if it is true or not. Once i know what is true, I try to correct the rumor and make things better. Guaranteed, I get sucked into a LOT of drama because of it, but I don't want other people to suffer because of the stupidity of others.
When someone seems to spite you by what they do, turn your cheek. Let them do it, don't retaliate, don't react! Hold your tongue and GO TO GOD!!!! See why it bothered you, see your intentions in the situation, think about what would become of you responding back in spite... When you speak from anger stupid things seem to happen. You say things without thinking them through! You may not think about it at the time, but those words you say will stick in your head for quite a while. God says to turn the other cheek and let the person do the same thing again to you again. Not that you agree with it, but that you know it is wrong to do something back.
SPITE COMES FROM SPITE
Think of all that Jesus took for our sake. Being beaten, bruised, battered, hated, talked about, and killed. He took this all for us... he didn't retaliate, he didn't seek revenge, he took it for US! Why can't we have this way of behaving about ourselves?? So even when your brother takes your iPod and breaks its screen, no matter how much pain you wish to inflict on him or all the words you want to scream at him, hold it in and think about it. Calm down before you end up doing something stupid. You won't believe the difference it makes in the end. :)
God Bless ♥♥♥

Friends!!!...Friends...... Friends???

Maybe I'm the only one who thinks this, but then again... I highly doubt it.
Friends have been around since the beginning of time, right?.. right!... there are the friends, the enemies, the ones who won't leave us alone, the ones who kinda scare us, those we can't live with, and those that we can't live with out. We all want friends but how do we know how to pick our own friends? Sure, you have the first impression, buuut.... well my first impression is never the same as the impression after spending time with them. Some people have such a hard outer shell on them that you don't know if you are even "in their league." But really, who decides what league someone is in? How do we determine if someone IS in our league or if someone is OUT of our league? These so called "leagues" are just excuses we use to-- (A)Avoid a person for a reason only you would know ..(B)Create an excuse as to why someone else won't associate with you.. (C)Create an excuse as to why someone would treat you the way you do.. and of course.. (D)The reason why you would "never have a chance" with that one person you have liked since the day you never even met them.
Our lives have been turned into a big popularity issue. How many friends you have, how many relationships you have been in, how many times you have been in jail, etc. But! in my opinion, you aren't popular to ME even if you have a million friends, all the money in the world, or the best things that money can buy. You are popular if you know how to have a good, healthy relationship with a few, good(or great), friends. Personality, outlook, and having opinions turn you into the most attractive friend to have. Maybe not to others, but to me!
If I had to choose between a studly, athletic, handsome football player who treated me like junk, and a simple, loving, caring, so called nerd who valued me... and they both wanted me (like that would ever happen :p) I would know in a heartbeat which one i would chose.. you can probably guess too... but also if the roles were reversed and the "nerd" was a jerk and the football player was the gentleman, i would go for the gentleman. Even if "everyone else" thought he was out of my league, who cares? If you find someone who you enjoy being around, spending time with, and getting to know... GET TO KNOW THEM!!!!! It will be one of the best things you have done for yourself. :)
So, don't base people on your first impression, it might not always be right. How did you become friends with your current friends? Take down the barrier of stereotyping someone before you meet them!!! Take a little time and give the person a chance to show YOU who THEY are.... How else are you going to make new friends?

A battle of emotions

What happens when someone's body becomes so weighted down by emotions that they can hardly function? What is the purpose of emotions weighing us down? How in the world do you tell yourself to not let things affect your emotions? These are the questions that have never left.
The feeling of happiness is great and it makes one feel as if they are walking on sunshine but when that happiness seems to disappear the world seems to crumble. I mean, i know these trials we go through are supposed to help us further in our life but why do they seem to hurt so bad when we go through them? I have always looked back and understood why afterward but while I am actually in the situation I feel so... disconnected and sometimes even out of place. Maybe we are not to know why we are put in the situation because if we knew what would become of it we wouldn't have to go through it, as the experience would be slightly pointless.... but in a round about way, I guess I am glad I go through these trials that make me the person I am, the beliefs i have, and the drive I possess. So all in all, God really does know what he is doing and he has all along.. I just need to F.R.O.G.! (fully rely on God) With a reminder from a friend about what this acronym stood for, I also came to the realization that my favorite animal happens to be a frog... Wow, the things in my life that I've never really thought of actually have had God's underlying message to it the whole time.. I've never really known why frogs strike my fancy, but I guess someone did... :)