Realization

Having a rough day takes quite a bit of energy out of a person. Trust me, I would know after today. From the get go until maybe half an hour ago I have been having the worst day possible in quite some time. It wasn't that things wouldn't go right or things were going wrong. I just wasn't having the greatest day from all the stress that has been building up over the last 2 to 3 months.
I wish I could have looked at things in a "more positive" light, but I don't think it would have made a difference. Granted I had a bad day, walked home before church even started, got in a fight with my mom more than once, and just wanted to get away from people, but my night just hit me.
Driving home tonight I realized how selfish I have been lately. How self centered I have become. And even how greedy I have become. I crave attention but then I want out of the spotlight. Wow... where is God in all of this?
Well... He's been there all along trying to tell me things are OK, but I've been ignoring Him. I told Him I could take care of it, and I didn't need to talk to Him everyday. Sure, having people notice me as a person or friend is great, but is it for the right reasons? Am I being an example of Christ?

I'm going to give an honest answer. No, I haven't been; maybe occasionally I have been, but more often than not  I haven't been.
I stepped out of my vehicle tonight and smelled the air. It's been a long time since I've even taken the time to think about something that simple. As I took in a long breath I smelled the rustic and smoky smell of Fall.  I could remember the sweet and sticky smell of Spring that I love and the beauty that is behind it, but tonight...... I smelled the air and it reminded me of how putrid and smelly my life has been lately. Yeah, I know... great correlation, right? I guess that's just how God talks to me. Music, nature, and quiet time.
Wow... Our youth group just recently had a lesson over Good, Guilt, Grace, and Gratitude. Which part do we relate to most was asked... And I answered gratitude because I was trying so hard to live for God at the moment and in the months prior. If I were asked that now.... It would be guilt. No questions asked. I'm living in the guilt stage and can't move onto accepting God's grace.
I have the greatest friends (and older brother) EVER who are so willing to pray for me when I'm struggling, but they honestly have no clue how much it really does help me. (especially today) You guys may not know what all I am going through, but I guarantee you probably have an idea if you've been talking with God.
I definitely need to work on the talking and spending time with God aspect of my life. I talk it, but I need to start living it more these days. Maybe then I'll be happy with the little things in life again. Let's all take a little time and see God more. I think we would see what we've been missing a lot of lately.

God Bless you all,and thank you for everything you've done,
Miranda