Love, Your Single Christian Friend

Dear Church,

     Hey there! It’s your single Christian friend. You may remember what it is like to be that friend. I’m sitting here in the row with a family who has adopted me each week so I’m not sitting by myself. Their kids are growing up, their kids are getting into serious relationships, and their kids are getting married. I sit here seeing all of my peers slowly disappear as I walk in each Sunday hoping to be greeted by those peers I admire in their friendships, relationships, and their walks with Christ. I see them raising kids to love the Lord. I get to be a part of loving those kids and help in leading them to love the Lord.

     I sit here with a smile on my face, sometimes tears, and sometimes a somber and pained feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don’t pity or hate my single status and I’m glad to use my time serving others unhindered, though it seems to come with some downfalls the longer I am in this phase of life. I joyfully serve in the youth group, I want to be involved in serving the church around me with my gifts and talents, but I often feel my friendship needs are lost to those around me. I can be engaged as much as I want on a Sunday morning, but I often leave church feeling exhausted emotionally though I’ve been filled spiritually.

     You see, I see married couples spending time with other married couples or young engaged couples, I see single men spending time with married couples, I see single men spending time with other single men. I see everyone of these people interacting with each other, and I often sit watching and wondering how they all love each other so well when I’m sitting there feeling totally forgotten. But there are no people in my church that are in the same position as me. I’m not invited to group get-togethers or to spend time with a girlfriend because they’re often busy with kids, husbands, other couples and they forget that the need for friendship and relationship of a single Christian woman is left unattended in the church more often than not. I’m thankful for the families I have been able to tag onto, but I’m in a unique and strange position as a single Christian woman.
      I struggle. I’ve always wanted to be wholly honest with those around me about my walk with Christ, and right now, I’m struggling. It’s not good to be alone, and while I know I have people I can turn to; I often feel as though I’ve been forgotten. Any discussion with a married woman lasts a short time and more often than not feels distracted and unwelcomed because their mind is somewhere else. I have no single woman peers in my church, and I often feel I’m not welcome to spend time with other Christians because they already have their core friend group in other couples.

     I’m thankful I can ask people for prayers, but my cup is feeling empty and dry and barren for lack of outside involvement. Friends, I know you’re busy and you’ve got friends and family to tend to, but I implore you to remember your single Christian woman friend. She needs to know she’s not forgotten, or less than, or unwanted in group settings.

     I’m not here to steal your husband or distract you from your kids. I’m here to learn from your wise words, heal from your encouragement, and thrive in your presence. I’m here to build you up and encourage you on the rough days, spend time with your kids and love on them and support them while I’m without any of my own, and when I have my own too. I’m here, I’m often on the sidelines, but I want to invest time in you and your kiddos, I want to give you time with your husband without any kids, but I also want to spend time with you! I want to spend time getting to know your heart and sharing mine. Please, remember your single Christian friend, we’re in a unique position once we’re in our mid 20s and few others are in the same position. I know it’s not always intentional, but remember that singleness and the world of dating can be hard, harsh, and cruel, and we need friends and friendship time just as much as you have in your married life.

With love,

            Your Single Christian Friend