Running from Nothing

These last couple of years have been crazy. The lowest slump of all times, the happiness in all the adventures, the worry in what's to come, the pain in the accidents, and the mess in the process. I don't think I would be anywhere near the person I am today without all of these things happening to me. Actually, I KNOW i wouldn't be the same person I am today. Freshman year would have to have been THE worst (and best) year of my life. I found that I dreaded more things than I could have possibly imagined. I saw that I could have things happen to me that I never would have dreamed of going through myself. My transition from junior high to high school was most likely one of the saddest attempts of my life. I hated how things were going, I had no clue who my friends were, I had no one to even talk to about the craziness of entering high school. I'm not going to lie, I was absolutely HORRIFIED of going to school the first day. To prove it, I had stayed up until about 2 in the morning the night before my first day bawling my eyes out. Much to my 'unknowldege,' the first day.... NOTHING happened. I cried my eyes out for nothing. Later that year, I got in a fight with my mom on the way to school. When she stopped at the stop sign, I got out, slammed the door, yelled at my mom, and then proceeded to walk to school in the frigid weather. (Thankfully we were stopped right in front of the school.) This was just the beginning of events that lead me to my lowest point I would reach. Toward the end of our first semester we had a band clinic trip that was a 2-day function and approx. 5 hours away. This was a night that I just felt absolutely desperate to talk to someone about this. I wanted help, finally. Finally contacting one of my fellow band members, in the other vehicle, i began to pour out my guts. Much to my surprise, he listened. He LISTENED. That was a first in a LONG time. Ya know, I look back at that moment, and I can't believe I ever reached so low that someone had to intervene my thoughts that most likely would have become actions soon. The problem behind all of this? I felt I no one in the world would ever care about me. I didn't get the little attention that I so wanted, and needed. I got stuck on the bottom of the pile, but that day, I found an answer to one of my prayers. An answer that I had given up on so long ago. I found someone who was willing to help me, and that was more precious to me than ANY gem in this world. I didn't see how this all came together at the moment, but within the next couple of months/years I began to see how much I was really missing. I gave up on my Father, I gave up on my faith in him, and the promises he gave me. Today, I often look back at these moments and I am reminded that God always listens and keeps true to His promises. It may not be according to MY time, but it will come IN time. All this time I had resented God for not helping me. I ignored Him, didn't talk to Him, and sometimes just plain stepped all over Him. I'm not proud of that.... At all..... I ran from the one who wanted to help me and heal my pain the most. I ran from my shelter and my strength. I ran from freedom. I ran from all my promises that would make me a fulfilled person. I RAN...............yeah, I was running, from nothing that would hurt me.