Our passions are what make us tick. We take them seriously and we want others to also... but what happens when we forget that we aren't the only ones who have passions and desires to be noticed. When we do something we love we want everyone to see it and we want it to be taken as we take it. The way we see something is a marvelous work of WHO we actually are. It is how we can see who we are from what God gave us. We are showing what makes us who we are, where we come from, and where we want to go. In music its a new lyric, new song, or a new beat; in art its a new picture, sculpture, photo, or idea; in writing, its a story. Behind all this though, we have that one little thing to each of us that makes the new creation how it is... It's not the title, the color, the people in it, or the origin of the creation... It is the fact that we, ourselves, made it with our own abilities and concepts and the being that we are. We put our own signature on each of these items. When others choose to step over the boundaries that they know are already there, they have broken the silent vow that happens to be between each of us. Tell me, when we look at a piece of art, don't we see the artist's signature? When we hear a song, we think of the band that sang or wrote it? When you look at a photograph, do you see a watermark of the proud photographer who took the photo? Or do you simply keep on going and take the things around you as things that are just 'there'? Our passions are not a joke to us, and they shouldn't be a joke to anyone else. The second we decide that one's works are a joke it is like telling that person they are a joke.
I don't care how NOT serious you take something, but when it comes to giving someone credit for their work? I believe that is NEVER, and i repeat, NEVER a joke. Next time you create some beautiful creation think of someone using it and saying THEY made it.. you, the creator, has been bypassed.
Our passions define who we are. Our passions are not mere hobbies, each passion we invest in we put a picture of our soul into. Save us all a little bit of who we are and give credit where it should be given because I honestly don't think you would want someone claiming your body as their own.
Take it seriously or I won't take you seriously. Until I get the respect I deserve, you exist nowhere in the realm of my creation. You are merely another person who has no respect for the beauty of an individual.
Take me down kicking
screaming and bleeding
but i won't give up now
not while I'm breathing
You've ruined who i am
you've taken what i love
stolen all my beauty
and now I want it duly
The moment that you listen
is the moment I will try
the moment that you listen
is when I'll look you in the eye
Until the day I hear you
I will sit here all in all
I'll sit here fighting fury
I'll be here standing tall
Next time that i see you
my face will face up high
I'll face you as an equal
Giving credit till i fall
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Running from Nothing
These last couple of years have been crazy. The lowest slump of all times, the happiness in all the adventures, the worry in what's to come, the pain in the accidents, and the mess in the process. I don't think I would be anywhere near the person I am today without all of these things happening to me. Actually, I KNOW i wouldn't be the same person I am today. Freshman year would have to have been THE worst (and best) year of my life. I found that I dreaded more things than I could have possibly imagined. I saw that I could have things happen to me that I never would have dreamed of going through myself. My transition from junior high to high school was most likely one of the saddest attempts of my life. I hated how things were going, I had no clue who my friends were, I had no one to even talk to about the craziness of entering high school. I'm not going to lie, I was absolutely HORRIFIED of going to school the first day. To prove it, I had stayed up until about 2 in the morning the night before my first day bawling my eyes out. Much to my 'unknowldege,' the first day.... NOTHING happened. I cried my eyes out for nothing. Later that year, I got in a fight with my mom on the way to school. When she stopped at the stop sign, I got out, slammed the door, yelled at my mom, and then proceeded to walk to school in the frigid weather. (Thankfully we were stopped right in front of the school.) This was just the beginning of events that lead me to my lowest point I would reach. Toward the end of our first semester we had a band clinic trip that was a 2-day function and approx. 5 hours away. This was a night that I just felt absolutely desperate to talk to someone about this. I wanted help, finally. Finally contacting one of my fellow band members, in the other vehicle, i began to pour out my guts. Much to my surprise, he listened. He LISTENED. That was a first in a LONG time. Ya know, I look back at that moment, and I can't believe I ever reached so low that someone had to intervene my thoughts that most likely would have become actions soon. The problem behind all of this? I felt I no one in the world would ever care about me. I didn't get the little attention that I so wanted, and needed. I got stuck on the bottom of the pile, but that day, I found an answer to one of my prayers. An answer that I had given up on so long ago. I found someone who was willing to help me, and that was more precious to me than ANY gem in this world. I didn't see how this all came together at the moment, but within the next couple of months/years I began to see how much I was really missing. I gave up on my Father, I gave up on my faith in him, and the promises he gave me. Today, I often look back at these moments and I am reminded that God always listens and keeps true to His promises. It may not be according to MY time, but it will come IN time. All this time I had resented God for not helping me. I ignored Him, didn't talk to Him, and sometimes just plain stepped all over Him. I'm not proud of that.... At all..... I ran from the one who wanted to help me and heal my pain the most. I ran from my shelter and my strength. I ran from freedom. I ran from all my promises that would make me a fulfilled person. I RAN...............yeah, I was running, from nothing that would hurt me.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Possible Perfection
(Written for English II... Sophomore year)
Freshly baked cookies can bring smiles and laughter to any person's face. The warm gooey insides and the soft chewy exterior create the perfect combination that nobody can resist. When we sink our teeth into this heavenly combination the feelings can be limitless. A party erupts in the mouth and fills our bodies with a warming sensation, love. The love of a cookie is great, but it can never compare to the times that come with it, and the people that are there. People, atmosphere, and feelings, mixed in the right amounts, can create a perfect day.
A warm wave of spice and love fill my nostrils as I enter the kitchen door. The familiar faces greet me warmly, with smiles of joy and content. Suddenly, my husband's arms enrobe me and I feel a kiss land on my cheek. The cold that inhibited my body seems to have suddenly disappeared. Flavorful drinks, tender and moist cookies, colorful candies, delectable cakes, and fruit filled jellies line the smooth, speckled granite counter tops. Passing over these delectable goodies, the smells of ham drift toward my nose. The gleaming silver oven begs to be opened as the aromas tickle and tease my taste buds. Feelings of comfort fill my being and create an epiphany of happiness. The smells of our cooking have reached the far corners of the house, and the children have now entered the cozy confinements of the kitchen.
Looking through the door of the dining room I see the crisp white pine table nestled on top of the deep red oak flooring. The burgundy walls cast a comforting glow over a table lined with a crisp clean cream colored table runner, a tall glass vase with purple irises, and two tall tapered candles. Food soon joins the table and polishes the scene. Family begins gathering around the table as they engage in the enjoyable duty of conversing and consuming. My husband is seated at the head of the table, and I am at the other. Passing food quickly dissipates into our bellies, which have long since been grumbling from the intoxicating smells. The table becomes empty, but only of food. Though the food has disappeared, the lively fellowship that envelopes the room remains. Colorfully told stories and lively tales of past adventure spiral through the air until they finally reach our listening ears. As the night grows longer the stories begin to fade and people start to slow. The food has taken its toll and the living room now beckons for all to take a break.
Slowly, the living room fills with family and the delicate sounds of cheery upbeat Christmas tunes. The soft green walls seem to dance from the glow of the tree that fills every crevice and corner. The sight of the tree is amazing and marvelous, the glow of the lights, the sparkle of the ornaments, and the one steady star that dawns the highest point of the tree. Beneath the lowest branches of the tree are several boisterous gifts, creating a grandiose scene for the children to enjoy. Many of the kids have found their way to the bottom of the tree hoping to find some minute detail that may hint to what lies behind the colorful papers. When the sun falls below the horizon, we finally turn to open the presents. The excitement, enjoyment, and surprise that permeate the room create the warmest feelings that one can ever experience.
As the laughter and music die down, the children make their way toward their warm cozy beds. Once the children are lying quietly in their rooms I make my way back to the living room. Once there, I see the one person who seems to have been in my thoughts throughout the entire day, my husband! Sitting in our favorite spot, I find my way into his warm and loving arms that wipe every fear, worry, and trouble from my mind. There we sit looking out the large bay window, with the fire roaring, the snow falling, and sipping hot cocoa that fills our tired and weary bodies. The ground seems to sparkle as if the angels watching from above have sprinkled millions of diamonds over the snow laden yard. My entire world seems to grow silent as I lay in the arms of my comfort, best friend, and husband. One last glimpse at the whole perfect scene and my day feels so complete. The fire starts to snap and crackle as it reaches the end of its life and the ashes give off the last faint possibilities of warmth they might possess.
This recipe of people, atmosphere, and feelings has created an absolutely perfect day. This day is like a recipe of perfection, almost like that of a cookie. Something so simple is filled with so much love and can bring such joy to a person that we often forget our worries. Placing chocolate in a cookie is like adding splendor to a scene, and sometimes there are a few nuts that add a little craziness to the whole thing. The cares that usually fill our heads seem to casually slip away every time the delicious morsel dissolves over the top of our salivating tongues. No one in the world could possibly resist a cookie that links to so many good memories, both new and old.
Freshly baked cookies can bring smiles and laughter to any person's face. The warm gooey insides and the soft chewy exterior create the perfect combination that nobody can resist. When we sink our teeth into this heavenly combination the feelings can be limitless. A party erupts in the mouth and fills our bodies with a warming sensation, love. The love of a cookie is great, but it can never compare to the times that come with it, and the people that are there. People, atmosphere, and feelings, mixed in the right amounts, can create a perfect day.
A warm wave of spice and love fill my nostrils as I enter the kitchen door. The familiar faces greet me warmly, with smiles of joy and content. Suddenly, my husband's arms enrobe me and I feel a kiss land on my cheek. The cold that inhibited my body seems to have suddenly disappeared. Flavorful drinks, tender and moist cookies, colorful candies, delectable cakes, and fruit filled jellies line the smooth, speckled granite counter tops. Passing over these delectable goodies, the smells of ham drift toward my nose. The gleaming silver oven begs to be opened as the aromas tickle and tease my taste buds. Feelings of comfort fill my being and create an epiphany of happiness. The smells of our cooking have reached the far corners of the house, and the children have now entered the cozy confinements of the kitchen.
Looking through the door of the dining room I see the crisp white pine table nestled on top of the deep red oak flooring. The burgundy walls cast a comforting glow over a table lined with a crisp clean cream colored table runner, a tall glass vase with purple irises, and two tall tapered candles. Food soon joins the table and polishes the scene. Family begins gathering around the table as they engage in the enjoyable duty of conversing and consuming. My husband is seated at the head of the table, and I am at the other. Passing food quickly dissipates into our bellies, which have long since been grumbling from the intoxicating smells. The table becomes empty, but only of food. Though the food has disappeared, the lively fellowship that envelopes the room remains. Colorfully told stories and lively tales of past adventure spiral through the air until they finally reach our listening ears. As the night grows longer the stories begin to fade and people start to slow. The food has taken its toll and the living room now beckons for all to take a break.
Slowly, the living room fills with family and the delicate sounds of cheery upbeat Christmas tunes. The soft green walls seem to dance from the glow of the tree that fills every crevice and corner. The sight of the tree is amazing and marvelous, the glow of the lights, the sparkle of the ornaments, and the one steady star that dawns the highest point of the tree. Beneath the lowest branches of the tree are several boisterous gifts, creating a grandiose scene for the children to enjoy. Many of the kids have found their way to the bottom of the tree hoping to find some minute detail that may hint to what lies behind the colorful papers. When the sun falls below the horizon, we finally turn to open the presents. The excitement, enjoyment, and surprise that permeate the room create the warmest feelings that one can ever experience.
As the laughter and music die down, the children make their way toward their warm cozy beds. Once the children are lying quietly in their rooms I make my way back to the living room. Once there, I see the one person who seems to have been in my thoughts throughout the entire day, my husband! Sitting in our favorite spot, I find my way into his warm and loving arms that wipe every fear, worry, and trouble from my mind. There we sit looking out the large bay window, with the fire roaring, the snow falling, and sipping hot cocoa that fills our tired and weary bodies. The ground seems to sparkle as if the angels watching from above have sprinkled millions of diamonds over the snow laden yard. My entire world seems to grow silent as I lay in the arms of my comfort, best friend, and husband. One last glimpse at the whole perfect scene and my day feels so complete. The fire starts to snap and crackle as it reaches the end of its life and the ashes give off the last faint possibilities of warmth they might possess.
This recipe of people, atmosphere, and feelings has created an absolutely perfect day. This day is like a recipe of perfection, almost like that of a cookie. Something so simple is filled with so much love and can bring such joy to a person that we often forget our worries. Placing chocolate in a cookie is like adding splendor to a scene, and sometimes there are a few nuts that add a little craziness to the whole thing. The cares that usually fill our heads seem to casually slip away every time the delicious morsel dissolves over the top of our salivating tongues. No one in the world could possibly resist a cookie that links to so many good memories, both new and old.
Friday, November 5, 2010
wanting to cry
I don't want to be one to complain, but i am really missing the old days.... days where i could have fun with my best friend. i think back to those times and i don't know what to do. Times have changed, he has changed, and things have changed. I wish i could not feel distance between the two of us. I wish he knew that i felt horrible for what i have done, what i do, and what i have said. My impulses have led me to do things that i shouldn't do even though i know this i continue to do these things. I feel so bad about what i have done in the past and the bridges that i have so greatly and quickly burned... I have no clue if he feels the cold air between the two of us. I'm pretty sure he kind of sees it but i can't be for certain. I don't know.. i really just want to cry because i don't know where i am in all this, i don't know how to talk to God about it for comfort, i just want to cry for hours on end.. i want things to be back to normal. I want my best friend back and i want things to be like normal; even if he isn't nice to me. I don't care... i want to be a friend that is a genuine friend of his regardless of how he treats me. I want to be able to see him and not feel hostile toward him, i want to have fun and actually enjoy being with one of my friends. I want to cry
Friday, October 29, 2010
just a random poem i threw together
crashing to the ground
emotions fall, they fall like rain
crashing at the bottom
soon hitting once again
nearing its completion
for what we have done, been
a life seems so, so beaten
so battered and on end
things are left unspoken
ne'er to go singing through the air
set lifeless and near pointless
in the back of one's mere share
when things go start their falling
start a-falling toward the ground
things will start a-crumbling
till there's nothing all around
emotions are a target
one large target, always there
ne'er so lost in nothing
for they're always, always there
picking up our struggles
we look back on all our past
seeing all our struggles
releasing it so fast
trials and emotions
the trials are for best
until we seek an answer
for which we'll never rest
anxious and awaiting
we search for answers yet
until at last we find it,
one that suits our heart's needs best
emotions fall, they fall like rain
crashing at the bottom
soon hitting once again
nearing its completion
for what we have done, been
a life seems so, so beaten
so battered and on end
things are left unspoken
ne'er to go singing through the air
set lifeless and near pointless
in the back of one's mere share
when things go start their falling
start a-falling toward the ground
things will start a-crumbling
till there's nothing all around
emotions are a target
one large target, always there
ne'er so lost in nothing
for they're always, always there
picking up our struggles
we look back on all our past
seeing all our struggles
releasing it so fast
trials and emotions
the trials are for best
until we seek an answer
for which we'll never rest
anxious and awaiting
we search for answers yet
until at last we find it,
one that suits our heart's needs best
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Overload? Just maybe
Sometimes you just get tired of the name you have for yourself regardless of it being good or bad...sometimes you just want to break the rules for once, be someone you aren't expected to be, break down and cry for once, throw a tantrum, hit a wall, sleep for a week, forget about all the things bothering you and just lay around and be a nobody. Sometimes the name you have built for yourself becomes more than you can bear and you just want to run away and be less than others expect you to be. You wish for life to stop, let you regroup and then continue on its way. Life doesn't work like this... you have to keep moving, keep your name, keep your image, and keep playing the game. Hold your emotions on the inside, walk away from the drama, move on before you make a bigger mess, and smile even when the pain is too much to bear. In the midst of all this, we often forget where God is and things just start to fall apart even more...
I myself am to a point where i just want to break down and not be the person I am. I'm ready to be different than what the world expects of me, what my family wants me to be, and what my elders know me to be. Granted, I love God with all my heart but I'm so tired of being predictable. I can't hold up my end of this all, my temper is ready to break, my heart ready to stop giving, my brain ready to stop thinking. I'm ready to release all the anger I've been holding onto, the drama I've been hating, and the emotions I've been hiding. But that isn't going to happen, now is it? I have to be who others know me to be, what God has made me to be, and what others expect me to be.
Maybe that's the problem though-- I can't be me because of who I have built myself up to be.
Praying to God with all my might to keep me from exploding...... Trying so hard to keep it all in and I'm barely succeeding. Tonight was a struggle to keep from yelling at the world.
I myself am to a point where i just want to break down and not be the person I am. I'm ready to be different than what the world expects of me, what my family wants me to be, and what my elders know me to be. Granted, I love God with all my heart but I'm so tired of being predictable. I can't hold up my end of this all, my temper is ready to break, my heart ready to stop giving, my brain ready to stop thinking. I'm ready to release all the anger I've been holding onto, the drama I've been hating, and the emotions I've been hiding. But that isn't going to happen, now is it? I have to be who others know me to be, what God has made me to be, and what others expect me to be.
Maybe that's the problem though-- I can't be me because of who I have built myself up to be.
Praying to God with all my might to keep me from exploding...... Trying so hard to keep it all in and I'm barely succeeding. Tonight was a struggle to keep from yelling at the world.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Appreciation
Our world is so focused on pointing out the bad or "unacceptable" in everything we do. With so much negative, some people may begin to feel as if they are worthless, lost, and under appreciated. This has the ability to become quite a problem in the long run. When people begin to feel loss in self worth they worry about what will next befall them, where they are going to have to go next, and sometimes even why they are even here at all. Our society has made us think that tearing someone down will also help build them up so they can grow, but in the case of some, it only tears them down. Constant tearing down will eventually break a person down completely and totally. In this day and age, the majority of our young people face being brought down about 30 to 40 times a day, making this the most prevalent part of their memory. Some of the tearing down that is performed isn't even meant to tear someone down; a joke that is "just a joke" may seem like nothing to the person that said it, but to the person on the receiving end of the (just a) joke might not think the same thing. If someone isn't being particularly nice in their joking manner the recipient may feel dejected, abused, or even like an object to toy with. Often times, if the recipient becomes angry at the "joker" the joker will respond with the common saying of, "I was just joking!!!" Sometimes they really were just joking and they have hit a sore subject with the person, others know it will hurt the person, but continue anyway... only to decide they don't want to get a bad rep.
I want to challenge anyone who reads this to truly try and find something good in a person that maybe not everyone sees. If someone does something wrong, correct them lovingly, not in a defiling manner. Try to applaud them for what they do, bring out the good in them! Just because they don't do it back doesn't mean that is how it will always be! Keep the trend (even if you are the only one doing it) going!!! It is likely to catch on to some others eventually! And last but not least, if someone does something wrong or bad, remember "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." This is from John 8:7. Remember we are all sinners, do not condemn one another, but love one another and show them God's love! :) God Bless!
I want to challenge anyone who reads this to truly try and find something good in a person that maybe not everyone sees. If someone does something wrong, correct them lovingly, not in a defiling manner. Try to applaud them for what they do, bring out the good in them! Just because they don't do it back doesn't mean that is how it will always be! Keep the trend (even if you are the only one doing it) going!!! It is likely to catch on to some others eventually! And last but not least, if someone does something wrong or bad, remember "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." This is from John 8:7. Remember we are all sinners, do not condemn one another, but love one another and show them God's love! :) God Bless!
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