Sometimes you just get tired of the name you have for yourself regardless of it being good or bad...sometimes you just want to break the rules for once, be someone you aren't expected to be, break down and cry for once, throw a tantrum, hit a wall, sleep for a week, forget about all the things bothering you and just lay around and be a nobody. Sometimes the name you have built for yourself becomes more than you can bear and you just want to run away and be less than others expect you to be. You wish for life to stop, let you regroup and then continue on its way. Life doesn't work like this... you have to keep moving, keep your name, keep your image, and keep playing the game. Hold your emotions on the inside, walk away from the drama, move on before you make a bigger mess, and smile even when the pain is too much to bear. In the midst of all this, we often forget where God is and things just start to fall apart even more...
I myself am to a point where i just want to break down and not be the person I am. I'm ready to be different than what the world expects of me, what my family wants me to be, and what my elders know me to be. Granted, I love God with all my heart but I'm so tired of being predictable. I can't hold up my end of this all, my temper is ready to break, my heart ready to stop giving, my brain ready to stop thinking. I'm ready to release all the anger I've been holding onto, the drama I've been hating, and the emotions I've been hiding. But that isn't going to happen, now is it? I have to be who others know me to be, what God has made me to be, and what others expect me to be.
Maybe that's the problem though-- I can't be me because of who I have built myself up to be.
Praying to God with all my might to keep me from exploding...... Trying so hard to keep it all in and I'm barely succeeding. Tonight was a struggle to keep from yelling at the world.
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