I will admit, also, that turning 19 and having guys ignore me, or want me for unthinkable things, on every side of me hasn't helped me either. Yes, I am single. Always have been, and who knows for how much longer I will be. (I'm OK with this fact, although sometimes I struggle with it.) I shouldn't let it affect how I view myself, but I have. I have sought the approval of the opposite sex for years. Not necessarily for a relationship, but at least for the friendship and a little attention. Recently I have been craving a relationship, but have been trying my best to fight the desire and give the area to God. (It IS tough, but I'm taking it one day at a time.) But I'm getting a little off track. Yes, this is all pertinent to the subject at hand, but it's a slight trail off as well.
For so long I let not having boyfriend define me as being undesirable, and unwanted, and even unloved. However, that is not true. AT ALL. It took quite some time for me to realize this fact; and although I have tried to believe I am desirable, and wanted, and loved over the years, I am now officially proud of who I am and how I look. I may not be by every person I know, but that's ok. Since when do I need to be the prized possession of everyone in the world? Honestly, that would be a little creepy. I am loved and cherished and adored by God who made me in HIS image. God is so great and glorious. I don't need a man in my life to tell me I am beautiful (although it would be nice to hear that occasionally ;) ) because I have a father that tells me I'm beautiful everyday if I listen to Him. After a long (yet short) Christmas break I ran across an old photo of myself with another gal I know. This photo has become my motivation; because although it is an age old photo, I don't see how I let what others thought of me get into my head when I was younger. I don't want to gloat, or seem full of myself when I say this, but I think I look very nice in the photo. While I didn't see it at the time, it was there, and I let others make me self conscious about my body and who I was as a person.
While no boy has ever dated me, that in no way says I am unworthy of being happy or believing no man will ever want to take me as his wife.
Being single for 19 years isn't a punishment for me, if anything it's God's blessing on me to encourage me to remain pure for my husband and the relationship that is meant to be shared in that union. I now count my 19 years as a blessing from God to keep me from all the heartbreak and temptations that come along with being in a relationship. I'm not saying I'll never date, and I'm not saying that if/when I date the first man will be my husband (I DO continually pray the right man is being matured and prepared for me, however), but I understand not all things are meant to work. I will continue to place this area of my life in God's hands and trust his timing for whatever he has planned for me, and prayerfully await to see what he has planned.
The world has no right to define who I am. I am seeking the approval of God, not man.
I may or may not be married at some point in my life, and as hard as this is to say... if God says I am to be single for the remainder of my life, then I will happily and joyfully serve him as a single woman proclaiming the words of my Father who has saved me from all the unrighteousness and sinfulness I have committed in my life. God has blessed me in many ways and has comforted me through many difficult times in my life. Sadly, I have slipped up many times along the way, but thankfully God's grace is abounding and He continues to take me back in when I confess my unrighteousness.
Although I slightly veered off subject, I still feel these items are every bit as relevant and related to one another when it comes to being a teenage girl. So to wrap up I want to leave you with Psalm 139 to remember.
1 You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
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