Well, honestly, right now I should be working on homework or
something that is productive so I won’t have nearly as much to cram into the
next few days in very small amounts of time. But I have been sidetracked by
many things all of a sudden of which I find to be more pressing and of a
concern to me at the moment. I went from deciding what I would like to make for
supper, to making a wall organizer for my classes because I feel I’m not
organized correctly for how my brain has been functioning as of recent, and now
I am writing this post you are reading. But why is this post so pressing all of
a sudden that I’m not working on homework that I so desperately need to do, you
ask? Well… let us embark that mystery.
As the majority of my friends know, today is National
Suicide Prevention Day, and week as well I learned several minutes ago. Today
strikes a personal nerve of mine and I am completely decked out in my TWLOHA
garb, and wearing yellow underneath said “garb.” Now, I do realize, however,
that me wearing the colors to recognize the cause and supporting the TWLOHA
movement by either purchasing their products or donating to them, or even
writing the word “love” on my arm DO NOT, in fact, prevent anyone from going
through depression, having suicidal thoughts, self-harming, or anything of the
sort. In fact, me wearing this all does absolutely nothing other than show that
I took time out of my day to make a few clicks on the website and purchase
their products and then I decided to wear these said products to show I support
the cause.
I realize the money does go toward them working in their
area of passion, but I was hit with a thought today that regardless of me
wearing these things, I’m not actually doing anything to help others who may be
struggling with any of these difficulties. In fact, I’ve been far more focused
on my OWN issues as of late that I haven’t even seen the friends around me that
have been having a rough couple of days or months, or even years, of their own.
This brings me to another thought that I have had as of recent: I am a business
student because I would someday like to start my own bakery and share my love
of sweets and the joy that food can bring to people and the togetherness that
can be found, but I’m not passionate about the actual business major. We keep
discussing how we should answer questions of why we are getting a degree in
what we are, why we are passionate about it, and how it can help the businesses
we are going to be working for. Honestly, I can’t answer that I have a passion
for business, or have a good answer to why I am even seeking a degree in
business, or even tell someone that is interviewing me why I would be a good
addition to their team because I want to help build their business to the best
it can be.
No, I have a genuine love for people. I want to help people,
I want to love people, I want to support people, and I want to give people the
opportunity to find the greatness within themselves so they can in turn love themselves
and see what they have to offer. I don’t want to help a business become a big
name or even a big financial success, I want an opportunity to give others a
benefit of the doubt, and see them for who they truly are where others may shut
them out when they hear a small snippet of their past or even current life.
So where can I go from here, what can I do that will
encompass my love for people, and what is it that I can do with my life to make
a difference? Yes, I have struggled with many things in my past, but I have
recently decided to change things and how I view things, and I want to change
it. I have such a great opportunity to have a voice for others who may be going
through worse things than me, and I have an opportunity to love people who may
not know what it is like to be loved for who they are; every trouble,
heartache, worry, and problem they have ever had. They are all beautiful to me.
Now I know I sound sappy as I’m writing this, but I seem to be going through a
huge time in my life of change, acceptance, moving forward, and many many other
aspects in my life…. It’s wild, it’s chaotic, it’s a mess, but it’s what I
asked for. I have literally prayed to my Heavenly Father, “Lord, I want to be
so busy I can’t think about things that are going on in my life. I want to be
so busy I am exhausted and feel like I have done something by the end of the
day. I want to be so busy that I don’t have all the time to sit and do nothing.”
I have gotten what I asked for, and I still find time to fill even when I think
I’m so busy I don’t have the time to waste. It’s amazing to say the least. My
Father has taken my request to keep me busy and it has been fulfilled, but He
has also provided much time in which to fill with these activities I do. I
rejoice in this! I can’t believe that I want to be busy, but I enjoy it. I don’t
enjoy having to motivate myself to actually do things, but nonetheless, I am
joyful.
I’m working on getting closer to my Father than I have been
recently, and in doing so I am seeing all the things around me I had been
missing previously because I was taking it for granted and focusing on me. So
today I continue to ask myself: Where do I want to be in my life, who do I want
to share my passion with, and how can I do this all? And I ask you the same:
Are you seeking your passion from God or your own passion, and is it what you
should be doing?
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