just a random poem i threw together

crashing to the ground
emotions fall, they fall like rain
crashing at the bottom
soon hitting once again

nearing its completion
for what we have done, been
a life seems so, so beaten
so battered and on end

things are left unspoken
ne'er to go singing through the air
set lifeless and near pointless
in the back of one's mere share

when things go start their falling
start a-falling toward the ground
things will start a-crumbling
till there's nothing all around

emotions are a target
one large target, always there
ne'er so lost in nothing
for they're always, always there

picking up our struggles
we look back on all our past
seeing all our struggles
releasing it so fast

trials and emotions
the trials are for best
until we seek an answer
for which we'll never rest

anxious and awaiting
we search for answers yet
until at last we find it,
one that suits our heart's needs best

Overload? Just maybe

Sometimes you just get tired of the name you have for yourself regardless of it being good or bad...sometimes you just want to break the rules for once, be someone you aren't expected to be, break down and cry for once, throw a tantrum, hit a wall, sleep for a week, forget about all the things bothering you and just lay around and be a nobody. Sometimes the name you have built for yourself becomes more than you can bear and you just want to run away and be less than others expect you to be. You wish for life to stop, let you regroup and then continue on its way. Life doesn't work like this... you have to keep moving, keep your name, keep your image, and keep playing the game. Hold your emotions on the inside, walk away from the drama, move on before you make a bigger mess, and smile even when the pain is too much to bear. In the midst of all this, we often forget where God is and things just start to fall apart even more...
I myself am to a point where i just want to break down and not be the person I am. I'm ready to be different than what the world expects of me, what my family wants me to be, and what my elders know me to be. Granted, I love God with all my heart but I'm so tired of being predictable. I can't hold up my end of this all, my temper is ready to break, my heart ready to stop giving, my brain ready to stop thinking. I'm ready to release all the anger I've been holding onto, the drama I've been hating, and the emotions I've been hiding. But that isn't going to happen, now is it? I have to be who others know me to be, what God has made me to be, and what others expect me to be.
Maybe that's the problem though-- I can't be me because of who I have built myself up to be.

Praying to God with all my might to keep me from exploding...... Trying so hard to keep it all in and I'm barely succeeding. Tonight was a struggle to keep from yelling at the world.