I'm not sure how many of you I included in my discussion of college and future choices, but as you can tell from above I have chosen to complete my degree at my current college and will not be taking a break from, or dropping out of, college/classes. This can be attributed to LOTS and LOTS of praying, feeling completely lost and confused, much stress, many tired and relatively sleep-less nights, and of course.... many heartfelt conversations with some close friends and family members in my life. I can admit that I have never felt so out of control of my life until this year. Choosing a college seemed stressful because I felt like I was deciding what to do with the rest of my life. Honestly, though, I think I made more of a decision this year after actually reaching college rather than deciding where to go for schooling.
There are so many things that push you to go to college and pull you as well. It's what society tells us is best, everyone else has done it so we should, we want to experience the outside world, and so many other things that are circumstantial or fairly universal. We make a decision because we are told to... often times we don't fully think through our choice until we're finally in the moment. There has been so much testing of my faith this year and I will admit that I have failed multiple times, as well as triumphed multiple times. I have wanted to leave, get away, stay, and run away..... The biggest test I have had though, is seeing what I do when I am faced with hardship, feeling like I have no friends, being cut down by those I though I could trust, and being just plain broken by the world around me.At one point I had officially given up trying to be happy where I am and was going to ride the rest of the semester out one day at a time however I could and I was never going to come back. After a trip to my brother's I began to understand a little bit more about how I had been living my life. The worship service that weekend had a sermon that talked about living in exile/ feeling as though you are living in exile. God tells us to make the best out of living in exile, not merely exist. We are to do what we can with what we have and joyfully serve Him! We shouldn't sit around a mope simply because God has assured us we will get out of exile. NO!!! As a matter of fact, we are to do the exact opposite. We are to live EVERY day for our Lord. We are not to say, "oh, I'll start living for Christ when I'm out of this terrible place or situation." What good does that do? We may feel like we don't belong, but it doesn't mean we still can't be used in outstanding ways!
I oh so appreciate the love I have received in the last few months as I have struggled through being ok with where I am at for this time in my life. The prayers have been oh so helpful and I couldn't have made it to this point without any of the support and love I have received. So I thank each of you from the bottom of my heart and pray for your walk with Christ as you have for mine; I can never fully express my gratitude.
Many blessings and prayers to you all my brothers and sisters in Christ!
