Wow. What can I say? These last few months have flown by... They've been crazy, amazing, horrible, stressful, and enlightening all in such a short amount of time. This last month has been especially trying for me. Between getting back from all my trips, helping on the farm, helping with fair, dealing with personal issues, and helping my mom with her campaigning for County Clerk, I reached an end last night. Not the end where you just feel like cutting everyone up into pieces or clawing someone's eyes out, but an end where you just don't know how to feel other than confused, tired, and all you want to do is get away from people but see your closest friends at the same time in hope that it makes you feel better.
I don't feel I should go into detail about what went on yesterday as it is a personal matter that just doesn't need shared, but I will say this. I have been so shaken up and to the point of crying sooo many times over this month, but last night I couldn't cry. Trust me, I wanted to, but the tears just wouldn't come. So when I went out on a bike ride and found my tires were low, I didn't feel like going back home just yet to fill the tires, and I had no friend that I could turn to (well in town) for support just to sit with me, or let me air up my tires for that matter. *insert smug smile* In the midst of it all I ended up sitting in the last place on town I could think of that I wouldn't be bothered since none of my friends were either able, or willing, to be with me at the moment. And it might seem like the most random place in the world to some people, but to me it's my home away from home.. The place I can be real with God.. and myself if need be...
I literally walked to the middle of the football field and sat down in the cool grass. Lo and behold, I wasn't alone for long. It's amazing how when you reach out to God for a little comfort how he responds. Even when you think you don't have the desire to see anyone for the rest of the night... Although I didn't exactly want to talk, the two sat there for a little while and we had small talk, they were concerned, but I guarantee they had no clue that I had something bothering me like it was when they made their own way to the middle of the football field at dusk. Anyway, as I sat there I felt embraced, loved, and adored by the God who loves and created me. I was looking around and seeing how small I was in comparison to the field, sky, and world around me. But he still loved me regardless of how I felt at the moment.
To put it simply, He reached me when and where I needed it. He loved me and held me when I felt like I couldn't love myself....
In other news, I hope to be posting some new stories as I head off to college here shortly. I'll share some things I learn from being a new Christian college student, and I learn how to interact in the world around us on a day to day basis. So stick with me if you so choose and we'll see what God has in store.
