Love, Your Single Christian Friend

Dear Church,

     Hey there! It’s your single Christian friend. You may remember what it is like to be that friend. I’m sitting here in the row with a family who has adopted me each week so I’m not sitting by myself. Their kids are growing up, their kids are getting into serious relationships, and their kids are getting married. I sit here seeing all of my peers slowly disappear as I walk in each Sunday hoping to be greeted by those peers I admire in their friendships, relationships, and their walks with Christ. I see them raising kids to love the Lord. I get to be a part of loving those kids and help in leading them to love the Lord.

     I sit here with a smile on my face, sometimes tears, and sometimes a somber and pained feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don’t pity or hate my single status and I’m glad to use my time serving others unhindered, though it seems to come with some downfalls the longer I am in this phase of life. I joyfully serve in the youth group, I want to be involved in serving the church around me with my gifts and talents, but I often feel my friendship needs are lost to those around me. I can be engaged as much as I want on a Sunday morning, but I often leave church feeling exhausted emotionally though I’ve been filled spiritually.

     You see, I see married couples spending time with other married couples or young engaged couples, I see single men spending time with married couples, I see single men spending time with other single men. I see everyone of these people interacting with each other, and I often sit watching and wondering how they all love each other so well when I’m sitting there feeling totally forgotten. But there are no people in my church that are in the same position as me. I’m not invited to group get-togethers or to spend time with a girlfriend because they’re often busy with kids, husbands, other couples and they forget that the need for friendship and relationship of a single Christian woman is left unattended in the church more often than not. I’m thankful for the families I have been able to tag onto, but I’m in a unique and strange position as a single Christian woman.
      I struggle. I’ve always wanted to be wholly honest with those around me about my walk with Christ, and right now, I’m struggling. It’s not good to be alone, and while I know I have people I can turn to; I often feel as though I’ve been forgotten. Any discussion with a married woman lasts a short time and more often than not feels distracted and unwelcomed because their mind is somewhere else. I have no single woman peers in my church, and I often feel I’m not welcome to spend time with other Christians because they already have their core friend group in other couples.

     I’m thankful I can ask people for prayers, but my cup is feeling empty and dry and barren for lack of outside involvement. Friends, I know you’re busy and you’ve got friends and family to tend to, but I implore you to remember your single Christian woman friend. She needs to know she’s not forgotten, or less than, or unwanted in group settings.

     I’m not here to steal your husband or distract you from your kids. I’m here to learn from your wise words, heal from your encouragement, and thrive in your presence. I’m here to build you up and encourage you on the rough days, spend time with your kids and love on them and support them while I’m without any of my own, and when I have my own too. I’m here, I’m often on the sidelines, but I want to invest time in you and your kiddos, I want to give you time with your husband without any kids, but I also want to spend time with you! I want to spend time getting to know your heart and sharing mine. Please, remember your single Christian friend, we’re in a unique position once we’re in our mid 20s and few others are in the same position. I know it’s not always intentional, but remember that singleness and the world of dating can be hard, harsh, and cruel, and we need friends and friendship time just as much as you have in your married life.

With love,

            Your Single Christian Friend

Loved Beyond a Doubt

I remember always having this desire to have someone love me for me. And you may be asking yourself well why would you think someone doesn't love you for you? To be totally candid? I let the lie of the enemy attack me for more years that I would like to admit. Every time I would look at my desire to marry and become a wife and mama it was seated in a place where I feared no one would want to be with me forever because I had friends leave, boyfriends lie, and boys in general basically convince me I was not good enough while simultaneously telling me I was 'too much' and 'too good' for them. Words of contradiction left and right; it never made sense.

With each broken heart, may it be from a lost friendship or relationship, I would run to my own mama lost and confused feeling like I had been so blind to everything that was going on, and fearing that everything I was told in those moments was true. I feared I wouldn't be loved. And she would always tell me that I was loved and loveable and that the right person would come along and see that in me. I would cry some more and contemplate the thought, and my usual response was,  "But why can't anyone love me?" She would look at me with tears in her eyes as she saw her little girl with a broken heart that fully believed she wasn't worthy of love, and reply, "Oh, sweetie, you are loved. Your dad, and brother, and I love you SO SO much. And so do so many others." I would often come back with, "But you guys have to love me because you're my parents. You will always think I'm loveable." And I could see the big painful mama tears roll down her cheek as she would cry not only for my hurting heart, but also over the fact that, in all these years she has loved me so unconditionally and so perfectly how I needed it even when I didn't recognize it or appreciate it, I still felt the only people who loved me had a biased opinion of me and only loved me because I was their child; and parent's have to love their child, right?
Boy, was I wrong. In the last few years I have seen a bigger change in my view on love and who I am in Christ than I ever have before. I began to notice that with each passing friendship and relationship in my life I kept coming back to an underlying fear that people wouldn't love me if they saw what was under the surface, or it seemed to be confirmed when I would share more intimately about myself or confide in others and they would either disappear or it began to feel like a pity friendship.

I never ever knew where these feelings came from, and I now
know without a doubt those thoughts were and are from the enemy.

 The need for a deep relationship and fellowship with others is normal and natural and good, but somewhere along the lines I gave the enemy a foothold in that area of my life and I became conditioned to believe that I was a burden more than anything else in life and that desire was not good.

So, what has changed my thinking?
           Honestly? A conversation with a boy and a conversation with my dad. I have noticed more and
           more my need for an open conversation with my dad, and recognizing that he is still my
           protector as a grown single woman. (Becoming more and more engulfed in a relationship with
           my Heavenly Father has helped me realize much of this, but that is for another post.)
So, let me explain.
In the last year I have noticed a deeper and more serious mood swing before my cycle begins [stick with me, I'm not going to get weird on you], and I wanted to take a serious look at this because I felt it was harming my relationships with my friends, family, and potential relationship, and I wanted to reign it in. In these moments I would come to the point of emotions being so incredibly low I did nothing but sabotage every good thing in my life. I would say hurtful and totally untrue things to people that meant the most to me, I would try to end relationships by being a totally unrecognizable version of myself, and I would see these things happening as if I was a spectator and could do nothing about it all while being the one actually doing them. Now I'm sure you're thinking "oh, you could stop those things, you just didn't." I promise I'm not lying when I say I felt like two different people in the same body with one destroying and the other looking on in horror unable to move or stop anything.
Well, after seeing this months on end, medication making me feel like I was manic and depressed at the exact same time I finally called it quits. I had no idea what was happening, but in that moment a sweet boy felt the brunt of my low at that time and somehow made things more clear to me. I had decided that I wasn't in a place to give a relationship a chance, but was not at peace about it in the same moment. In that low I remarked that I was thankful that he had helped me realize that I could be loved even if that was all that would come out of knowing each other. He simply said to me, "Why would you ever think you aren't loved?" To which I tearfully typed a reply of the things in my past that I felt made me unloveable to those I would meet. This sweet man replied, "I'm so sorry you had to go through those things, but you should know you will always have someone who loves you." I don't know who he meant by that in the moment, but it didn't matter; suddenly something flipped in my mind and I knew he was right:

I was, and am, loved for who I am.

In the fallout of what would happen over the next month or so I couldn't help but still feel at a loss and have a heavy heart that I couldn't hold down a good relationship, and I felt like I still had so much to me that no man would want to bring into their life. This was years of lies all built up and I was starting to see it for what it was, but let's take a step back a few years first.
I remember in the midst of my painful broken hearts always wanting to run to my dad and just have him hug me, but never feeling like I could. Not because I felt he wouldn't, but because for some reason my pride kept me from wanting to admit that I needed my dad when all my life I wanted nothing more than to be the daughter that wasn't a burden to her parents (sounds so sad when I read it now, as I know I've never been a burden to them if you were to ask them). But as I went through one of these painful moments where it took every ounce of my strength just to get out of bed and function each day I found it in myself to swallow my pride and one day I walked into my parents' house, stood at the top of the stairs silenty looking at my dad while holding back tears, and waited. He simply asked, "Are you ok?" I took a deep breath, swallowed, shook my head no, and let the tears fall, "Dad, I just need you to hug me please," I barely got the words out before I was a pile of tears and he engulfed me in a hug that my heart needed more than anything else in the world. In that moment I gave up my pride and realized how often I had pushed that cry of my heart aside and not actually asked for the thing my heart longed for the most- my father's comfort in the form of a hug.
 
Fast forward a year or so and I found myself at a loss again- this time for feeling inadequate rather than with a broken heart. I knew the only way I would be able to sort through this would be to talk to my dad; I needed to know his heart toward me more than anything else, right then and there. (I had prayed so many times about my insecurities and kept asking God to help comfort me, but I just kept feeling the only way I would get what I needed in that moment was to talk to my dad.) So, one morning before work I pulled up to their house to get some coffee, and I decided to talk to dad about everything. In that moment I needed to know if I was a lost cause when it came to the chance of someone wanting to marry me, and that all these things I kept thinking about myself were just worries in my head. He did more than that in that moment. I won't go into detail of what we talked about, but I was late for work that morning for very good reason. He helped me see myself and my relationship with my parents in a new light.

 In that moment I came to realize that the love my parents have for me isn't because they have to love me. They don't lie when they tell me that a friend, or a man, would be lucky to have someone like me in their life. They're being honest. But why didn't I believe that until I was 25 years old?!
It finally dawned on me that they love me BECAUSE they know me. They know my ugly days, emotions, and habits, and they know my heart, my passions, and my love. They don't gloss over the bad and only see the good in me- they see the good and the bad and love me just the same. Yes, they are my parents, but that doesn't mean they have to love me. There are many kids out there that parents have left/abandoned, abused, or even faced being straight up told that they aren't loved. The love of my parents mirrors the Love of God in my life. God knows my sins and my proclivities and chooses to love me just the same.
So yes, I am loved and I am loveable. I don't feel the need to find someone who will love me like I used to. I know I am loved, and while sometimes I desperately need to be reminded that I am loved and loveable, I know deep down who I am... I just forget sometimes.

God IS love my sweet friends. It's ok to need to be reminded that you are loved. It is healthy to want those relationships, but please my sweet sweet friend if those words "you are not enough," "you are too much," or "you will never be loved," are creeping into your mind, find the ones who love you most, push your pride aside and ask them to remind you.. then let them remind you of why they love you, and know they aren't lying. They know the deepest parts of you and love you because of them not in spite of them.

Where Have You Built?

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus Christ, my righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.


 "Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it."
Matthew 7:24-27

        This song and these verses and their meaning have been on my mind a lot lately. I remember a time when I looked at myself and going, “What am I missing and why does all this Christianity make no sense to me? What am I supposed to be doing if I say I'm a Christian and go to church? What should I be doing about it, how should I be living, and what do I need to know?” I felt like I had been in church for years but had absolutely no idea what it even meant for me to be there. It was at that time in my life I realized I felt like I was living a lie if I claimed to be a Christian but had no idea why. It was at that time I found I had a deep desire to learn as much as I could about why I was at church and what it meant to have faith and believe in God; and that hasn’t stopped to this day.
        I have always looked for more and more resources and books to read to learn about the different aspects of God and ways to help me understand the heart of God deeper than before. I know no amount of reading or understanding will make me “better” in the eyes of God, but I want more than anything to know His heart and my heart longs to love and honor Him as much as I can because I can! In the same way that I long to express my love and gratitude to those in my life around me, I want to have my life be an outpouring for God as an expression of my love for Him!
        I look at myself today and see some of the events I have gone through over the years and how I handled them (sometimes gracefully and other times very distastefully), and I see one thing ring true at the end of each. No matter what came from the situation or how I felt in the moment, I always ended up running back to God. Don’t get me wrong when I say this though, because I didn’t always feel like I wanted to sometimes. There were times I felt God was turning His back on me and so I didn’t want to talk to Him. I couldn’t have been more wrong though; I experienced more outpouring than ever before of love and grace than I could have imagined from His people in these moments.

        The number of people that have prayed-through, lifted-up, and walked alongside me in faith during my life has been an incredible and undeniable stamp of God’s hand in my life. I have often felt I don’t have a very large friend group, but when I look at who I do have in my life I am so incredibly blessed to know I have some amazing godly friends and family around me. They have helped me build a foundation from a very young age (even when I had no idea what it was all about) and have continued to help me build on it to this day! I know my life could be very different if I didn't have these people surrounding me, and I don't even want to think of where or who I would be without them around me. This makes me even more thankful for their prayers and words of wisdom through the years even when I didn't want them sometimes!
        When the storms come into my life, I don’t fear that I will be swept away with them. I do experience the grief, the heartache, and sometimes the shear pain of the moment, but I remind myself that I need to continue to run to God in these moments; not a bottle, not a pill, not a relationship, not some temporary fill to make me feel better in the meantime. I have slipped up before and turned to things I shouldn’t, but God in his grace has gently and lovingly reminded me of my worth in Him and has brought me back to the fold.
        I think about these verses and how it says to build my house on the rock and how it has applied to my life experiences. I feel I have “built my house on the rock”, but sometimes I have decided to step outside of my house and stand in the storm and do a little “house shopping.” I decide that maybe the houses around me have something better to offer and I start to walk to those houses to find out. When I get there, they without a doubt look beautiful and enticing on the surface, but over time they are not able to withstand what life throws at me; maybe for a short while, but eventually the beauty wears off and they start to fall apart. So, I walk back out into the storm and head back to the safety of my own house [God]. And when I get there, the fireplace is roaring, a feast prepared, and the bed ready for me to rest in. I think many of us have had these experiences where we fall for the “grass is greener” mindset and forget the truths and promises that God has spoken over us. He is always waiting with open arms to welcome us home, but I don’t want to keep “house hunting!” I know I may fail from time to time, but I know my hope and my rest are in God at ALL times.
         In a time where everyone says truth is relative and that what is known as right is called wrong and what the Bible says is wrong everyone is calling right, I pray more than ever that you find your foundation on the true and unwavering rock that is Christ! We stand in what everyone says are “uncertain times,” but I can tell you with certainty that God is still at work, is in control, and has the final say in this life. I encourage each of you to stay rooted in The Word and reminding yourself of the truths found there. Build on The Rock and hold firm in your faith!

Healing a Broken Heart (part 2)

If you missed part 1, read it here.

In the process of recovering I had many family, friends, and acquaintances with good intentions hurt me more than help me with their words and advice. While I won't name names, I would like to take a moment to address how we approach those with a broken heart. To do so, I would like to list a few of the most hurtful things I heard:

• "Oh, he wasn't good for you, you'll find someone better now."
• "He's stupid, and you're better off now."
• "Oh you need to just pray and forget it, you're holding onto it too much."(less than 1 month after the breakup.)
• "You need to go to this spiritual healing conference, we'll even pay for it so you can go."

These are just the ones that have stuck with me most that I've had to work through. While most people don't intend for the words they say to come across as harsh, most don't consider how they felt when they experienced a similar crushing blow. Life does a complete 180 degree flip in the matter of days and it's something that takes a bit to gain your bearings again.

Now, to address the comments made above....

• If you felt he wasn't good for me in the relationship, why didn't you tell me then.... I would've listened....
• Don't tell someone their choice was stupid, especially if you didn't know the other person... Even if you did, you don't need to side with or against me, just encourage me to keep my faith and head up.... The fact that you say he is stupid makes me feel like I was stupid not to see him like you saw him and that apparently my judgement is off.
• Grieving isn't a one day process. It takes a lot of time and energy.., both physically and spiritually. I finally got tired of mourning my situation and feeling Satan was rejoicing in my pain and that's when I could finally heal and move forward. Don't tell me my grieving is excessive when I'm taking steps to understand what just hit me. If I'm still mourning it just as deeply 6 months after the fact, then you can confront me in my grieving process, but less than a month out is ridiculous especially since you don't know the extent of what I'm mourning.
• And lastly, I appreciate your concern about my spiritual healing, but if you feel so bold as to suggest the trip, pay for it, not explain it, and just assume you know where my healing process is without even consulting me, I'm going to take offense at that. Don't assume you know where my heart is and that you know what I need. Talk to me, hear my heart, don't make assumptions and prescribe a fix... It feels like you're belittling my faith.

So, while I wish I could say there is a 100% surefire way to get over a broken heart that literally knocks you to the floor, I can't. Grieving the end of a  relationship is healthy when handled in a way that is brought before our Father... My best advice is to seek Godly counsel. Be angry with God if you have to, but don't turn away from Him. Take it all to him. Everything. Put yourself on the line and let Him bear this burden with you. Even when you don't feel His presence, pray. He's always there. Always present. Always listening. Sometimes we just have a hard time being able to feel it as easily because of our circumstances. Trust the maker of your heart, and know He knows your heart's hurts and desires. But take them to Him! He longs to hear our heart's cries, to comfort, console, embrace.

To those who interact with an individual experiencing a broken heart, be understanding and considerate. Don't press for conversation, but offer your support to be there if they need anything; whether that be talking(consider your words and meanings before speaking), going out to eat, listening( knowing you don't necessarily need to be providing answers), or inviting him/her out to do something. Be a constant beacon of support... even if that means silently. Pray. Above all, brothers and sisters, I urge you to pray. The Great Healer is the best medicine in this situation. Pray without ceasing. Pray for comfort and healing. Pray from the bottom of your heart and pray knowing the Sympathizer and Empathizer is listening and knows the heart of the person you're praying for better than you do. Pray for their unknown and/or unspoken needs. Just lift them up!

To those experiencing their own broken heart right now, you're not alone. By any means. I pray healing, comfort, understanding, peace, and most of all, I pray you feel God holding your heart and reminding you of His deep never ending love He has for you. You are so precious in the eyes of your Father no matter where you are at in the grieving process. Do what you need to do to heal, and know that even if it feels like no one is supporting you, that you have at least 2 people who understand the pain, and they both support you... Me... And most importantly, God.

Healing a Broken Heart (part 1)

 A broken heart is a terrible, and I mean TERRIBLE, thing to experience. However, to be honest it is one of the best things that has ever happened to me when I look at it from a spiritual standpoint. Some of what I say in this post will not be what most people will want to hear, but the process of making it through the grieving and spirit-breaking that I experienced have shaped me into who I am now. So, bear with me as I share with you my grueling and painful experience, and the lessons I have learned.

As a young kid I rarely attended Sunday school or church with a mindset of actually learning who God is, but rather a mindset of how many prizes I could earn for memorizing this or that, or attending every Sunday and getting perfect attendance. Halfway through junior high my focus switched some and I wanted to learn more, but nothing really made me want to dig into things like I hoped. Nothing made sense to me and I didn't want to admit to those around me that the Confirmation class I attended went over my head and I didn't have any interest in it. Regardless, I went along with it, and became a member of my church, said the words of accepting Christ,  and all that went along with it. Honestly, I don't know what all I agreed to that day, and to this day I wonder what I have made promises because I was too afraid to say I didn't want to partake. After this I genuinely started attending both Sunday school and church out of my own interest and desire rather than because I felt I had to. I attended Sunday school, church, high school youth group, and helped lead the junior high youth group as well. I'm sure you're wondering why I mention all of this when it comes to getting through a broken heart. Well stick with me. In this time I partook in at least 6 different sex and dating lessons that were taught for both the junior high and high school groups. While I believe they were well-intentioned discussions, they lost their effect on me in explaining how to properly address a relationship when it would occur, as well as how painful certain mistakes would be to make that would shake anyone who has a heart for Christ (probably any person with emotions, truly) to the very core of their being. I so wish there were a way to better teach and explain the pain that comes from not holding these ideas to be the best for our lives. If at some point the Spirit reveals to me a way to minister in this area, I will definitely jump on it, but that time has not yet come where I feel I can clearly and effectively convey those lessons to those that need to hear it. No one explains any of the following: How to approach a relationship when you aren't sure how it should be modeled in your own life. Or how to approach it when you don't feel the relationships you have seen aren't healthy or accurate representations of what you expect a relationship to be. How to distinguish between making exceptions to your desires in a relationship and understanding that not everything you hoped for is something that has to exist in your relationship. Being realistic (making rational exceptions to a relationship while not compromising your standards at the same time.) How to recognize that a relationship isn't always the best choice. The Spirit shattering nature of losing yourself to someone that decides they no longer love you. The pain, both physical and emotional, that comes with losing someone you thought would be your forever.  The process of being at war with yourself because sometimes your heart and your spirit are in distinctly different places of understanding. How to deal with family that means well with their words, but really all they're doing is breaking your heart worse with things you don't need or want to hear quite yet. How to protect your heart after the breakup and keep yourself from destroying your relationship with yourself, God, and those around you. How weak you'll feel in every aspect of your life because you've trusted someone with the most precious part of yourself and you just don't have the energy to fight back against Satan sometimes. In all of these things you don't think specifically of how you could be growing or hurting yourself. Thankfully I knew my heart would need protecting in the time that I felt the most weak and wouldn't be able to prevent myself from breaking God's heart with my actions. I prayed God would protect my heart from any of my poor decisions I would make in those moments (which He has graciously done). But I look at this experience and I had the hardest time understanding why after all of my patient waiting and praying why God would allow such pain to pass over me. Then one day when I felt my worst I had this stillness come over me... Not out of being ok with where I was at, but from hearing God's voice. He spoke to my heart. The pain of unrequited love is a heavy weight to bear even if the relationship only lasted 6 months. The pain I felt from this experience was nothing compared to the amount of unrequited love God receives every second of every day.  The pain I felt of the war between my flesh and my spirit was nothing compared to how much pain God could experience at any point in time as a result of any number of his children not acknowledging the love He shares with them. In experiencing a broken heart of this nature I looked everywhere for answers. The internet, my friends, prayers, everything I could possibly think of to help me understand how I messed up so much. I can't regret any of my past. If I did I wouldn't be forgiving myself and I wouldn't be accepting forgiveness from my Father. That was my biggest hurdle in figuring out how to find my new normal. I would forgive one portion of what had happened and then come back a few days later and still be caught up in it. I was grieving. Not just a small "boohoo" kind of grieving but a spirit-moaning deep genuine mourning for what I had experienced. My heart felt like it had an anaconda gripping it for weeks on end, my body ached as though I was experiencing the flu tenfold and it was never going to end. My eyes felt as though they had been pumped full of fluids and then glass had been placed under my eyelids to scrape my eyeballs. I had never in my life experienced something so horrible in my life.  Even when I felt I wanted my life to end many years ago, nothing could ever compare to the core-shattering pain I felt with this breakup. I awoke everyday praying for a hardening and understanding in my heart. In asking this I found the book "Is God Saying He's the One?" by Susan Rohrer. While I don't think this got me over the heart issues fully, I do believe it helped bring me understanding of what happened. The biggest and most helpful thing I gained from reading this book would have to be the fact that free will is just that... Free will. My free will is never forced, just as in the same way the person I may be interested in is never forced in his free will. No matter how much my idea lines up with God's desires, if the other person does not have the same belief He will not force it just because I beg Him to do so. That would lead to a bad situation all around in the long run when you truly consider the consequences of trying to force love on someone.  The 2nd most helpful thing from this book had to be the grieving process that was addressed.  "There's no getting around the loss it can be to experience unrequited love. No matter the form a breakup takes - whether or not a man ever shared a woman's affections - it's grief, plain and simple. No doubt about it, when a woman invests her heart in a relationship with a man who does not see her the same way, it can be devastating. How great a loss it is depends upon how much and how long she's banked on this particular hope. It really can be a kind of grief that must be weathered, and grieving takes time. Some might balk at comparing the loss of a man who never returned the woman's affections to physical death. I hear you. It can be undeniably excruciating to mourn the loss of a loved one who will never return. But the same permanence that makes death so very difficult to accept also assists in the grieving process by offering a certain point of closure. As painful as the physically deceased are to mourn, closure has its benefits. It helps us to move on to know there's no chance for reversal. Admittedly, it can be infinitely more difficult to weather the loss of an actual spouse. But grieving the loss of an unrequited love does carry its own particular challenge, in that the man a woman has set her hopes on it still physically alive and able to choose her, and yet he does not. This sends her into a perhaps lesser form of grief but it is grief, nonetheless. Mourning begins on a soul level." Look for part 2 here.

Oddly Empty, But Not of Christ

Do you ever have times where you just feel "off your game"? Well I'm feeling it tonight strangely. Honestly, I kind of feel like crawling in bed, reading a book, crying, drinking tea until I can't drink any more, and then just staying there for weeks on end. And as annoying as these feelings can be sometimes, I know that it is something that I have, and continue to overcome each time it begins to set on. While I'm sure a large majority of this is coming from hormone levels and being tired from various things, it got me to thinking about how it this is a perfect example of needing God to fill you up, especially when the things of this world can make you feel so empty (for no reason) sometimes.

I know that I am happier and more content with where I am in my life now and in my relationship with Christ than I was a mere month and a half ago. Things aren't going badly, in fact, I've really been enjoying my schedule (even though it looks like it will be getting pretty hectic within the next month already).  Me feeling empty and a little displaced has nothing to do with the things I have.... actually, it does if you think about it... It helps to see that regardless of how well life can be going, and the things that you have in your life, you can still feel lost if you don't feel at one with Christ.

The last time I wrote one of my longer posts I mentioned that I did not understand how Christ can fill my emptiness. But today, I can completely understand it. Not because I truly understand how someone I've never met face-to-face die to take my place out of love for me, but because I have been able to experience God's grace in my life. To understand God, you have to understand His grace that He covers us with. We should ask for his forgiveness not expecting a certain amount of grace to be poured out of a supply that is simply for each individual that we think will eventually run out. No, grace ABOUNDS to cover our sins against God.

I always knew that God covered us in grace, but it never really struck me as something "that" important to experience. In fact, I could tell others time and again, when they were struggling with forgiving themselves for a sin in their life that they need to ask for God's grace because He loves them unconditionally, but I never believed it myself and accepted the grace in my life. Beth Moore mentioned, from the Ragamuffin Gospel that we tell others about grace like handing out brochures to places we have never been before because many of us talk about grace, but we have never experienced grace ourselves. That statement really hit home with me.... It's true, how can we tell someone about something we haven't done/experienced in our lives? It's nearly impossible! At least to talk about it in a way that is meaningful that is!

Accepting grace and asking for grace are two very different things. We can ask without receiving, but you can't receive without asking either. So remember to both ask AND receive God's grace!

Love Others!

Well, I continue to be sidetracked and not doing as much homework as I probably should be doing right now. It's insane for me to look at my schedule and know that I have so many exams before my Fall Break here in a few weeks and then so many writing assignments to complete after as well. I'm dong my best to keep a level head and remember that I can do this all with the strength of my Father. This post, however, is not about feeling swamped as of recent and needing to take more time for myself and alone time with God (although I do need to balance that better throughout the week so I don't feel this way every weekend!)

No, today I'm posting because I have had Luke 6:27-36 stuck in my head ALL week from reading my small group Bible study chapters. I will also post a "Messy Mondays" video by BlimeyCow that goes along with this (yes, they do like sarcasm!)

²⁷ “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, ²⁸ bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. ²⁹ To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either. ³⁰ Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. ³¹ And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.
³² “If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. ³³ And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. ³⁴ And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. ³⁵ But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. ³⁶ Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful."

This is such a wonderful passage to implement into our lives! It's a difficult thing to do some of the time!!!! But it is such a wonderful way to trust our Father and practice being like Christ. He spent time with believers and non-believers (all of whom were sinners, of course) alike! Not only that, but He showed them genuine love!



We often ask why we would need to do such a thing, but in the chapter before: Luke 5:27-32, we have been told good reason why!

²⁷ After this he went out and saw a tax collector named Levi, sitting at the tax booth. And he said to him, “Follow me.” ²⁸ And leaving everything, he rose and followed him.
²⁹ And Levi made him a great feast in his house, and there was a large company of tax collectors and others reclining at table with them. ³⁰ And the Pharisees and their scribes grumbled at his disciples, saying, “Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?” ³¹ And Jesus answered them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. ³² I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.”

The truth that just radiates from these verses!!!!! I don't believe there was any ounce of pity or condemnation in these statements that Christ made either. In fact, I believe it was true compassion, love, and desire for others to know the greatest that abounds in following! This does not place us above others by any means. We humble ourselves and love others not out of condemnation or pity, but out of love and heartache. I know my heart aches for those around me that I know who do not know the full glory and wonder that is my God and Father! I pray for others to see His light in me and the greatness He offers us, and I pray to be a catalyst where He wants me to be. I know I don't always do what God asks me to do, but it's a work in progress.

Our speaker at Christian Challenge this week gave us a challenge before we left:

1. Read
2. Pray
3. Say Yes!

We are to read God's word and be in The Word, pray to see where God is working around us, and say "yes, Lord" to whatever He is asking of us. So simple, but so effective! We have such a great opportunity to share Him with others. Be joyful in Him and His promise, permeate this joy in our lives, and let others see Him in us!!!